Wednesday, September 14, 2011.


As of late, a lot of people have been tying the knot. Due to my lack of chinese-ness :P I was duly informed of the significance of weddings around this time. Apparently it is good to get married after the "Hungry Ghost Festival", which obviously led to discussions of weddings, dresses, budget, invitations (as in, were you invited to so-and-so's wedding?)...and it got me thinking about my dress...

I would definitely say it was a MIRACLE that I got my dress for free. It was not a design that flattered my body type, nor was it the ideal wedding dress in my mind, but you know, if God hands it to you, work with it :) I lost so much weight just to fit that dress (which the smartypants tailor adjusted too loose because I looked like a fatty to him!), and then realizing that I had lost too much because it was falling off me!(its been two years and I can still fit it...very kambang, me:))

I honestly do not know how much that dress cost, but "experts" say its between the 4-5k know, with the lace and beads and crystals...and stuff... (I say "experts" because they were just my aunties...who I must say can be quite "chun" when it comes to guessing the price of stuff). Also I found out from trawling the Internet that dresses from the boutique my dress was from rent out at about 3k each and above! That's just rent :S

Today, I will surrender my dress to my mother-in-law, praying that the person she told me would buy it WILL buy it. People have asked me to keep it for my daughter in the future... seriously?? I don't think it could last that long in this humidity and climate! So as an ode to the dress... the dress that cost me nothing, the dress that made me feel beautiful for a day, the dress that further made me believe in my God who provides, and who has my best interests at heart... who answers prayers even before I can utter them...


My God is awesome :)

5:46 PM

Saturday, October 30, 2010.


"Language proficiency or linguistic proficiency is the ability of an individual to speak or perform in an acquired language....Additionally, fluency and language competence are generally recognized as being related, but separate controversial subjects...Thus, a high number of native speakers of a language can be fluent without being considered proficient."

Source: Wikipedia

To be naturalised in my country of birth, I am required to pass a language proficiency test. Based on my understanding, I must be able to speak and write in Bahasa Melayu. The speaking is easy, having been told endless times that I speak really good BM, specifically the local malay... The writing however doesn't impress them it seems. Let me give you an example.

Topic: Hutan memainkan peranan penting dalam kehidupan kita. Bincangkan kepentingan memelihara dan memulihara hutan (students' exam question :) )

Dengan kemajuan infrastruktur dan teknologi pada zaman ini, sumber-sumber alam di seluruh dunia makin mengurang. Hutan merupakan satu daripada sumber-sumber ini yang sangat penting dan berharga tetapi sedang menghadapi ancaman penghapusan.

Hutan adalah sumber kehidupan. Hutan berperanan sebagai "carbon sink" (cekung karbon?) melalui proses fotosintesis yang mengeluarkan oksigen. Oksigen ini digunakan oleh organisma lain untuk bernafas. Lagipun, semua sumber makanan berasas bahan tanaman hijau. Jikalau sumber ini lenyap, ia akan membawa penghapusan semua spesies binatang di dunia ini, termasuk manusia.

Its not complete, I wrote this in about ten English version and then translated it myself to this BM version. No dictionary, no google translate, no nothing... it's not fantastic, but honestly, I think it's pretty good for one who hasn't written a Karangan since high school days.

Tell me now, why does a LANGUAGE proficiency test assess you on your knowledge of:

i)names and FULL titles of cabinet ministers?
ii)traditions and customs in a Malay wedding etc etc etc?
iii)pantun (malay poems)?
iv)national philosophy?

If this is the case, why not call it an MIB test? I'm not tested on my ability to understand and write Malay, I'm tested on my ability to MEMORISE. FACTS. NAMES. POEMS?! If they had given a pantun, and asked us to ANALYSE the meaning, I could do it, NO PROBLEM...I was asked to fill in the FIRST OR LAST TWO STANZAS... Can anyone give me an everyday Bruneian who can spout a variety of malay poetry, verse by verse? Ada kah??

Does this make me more "Bruneian", mun ku menjawab semua pantun/soalan atu? Adakah patut, membagi soalan-soalan yang ku dapat jamin orang IC kuning pun inda dapat menjawab?

This is a rant that's one year overdue but if you must know...

i)O level BM ku dapat B3
ii)Pelajaran Sivik di MD kana bagi A (walaupun inda keluar arah result slip)
iii)MIB di UBD ku dapat B (mana ramai ah mahasiswa/i CINA yg dapat B atau A)

Bukan plang kan kambang. Sasak ku saja mendangar aku ani inda layak jadi orang Brunei padahal

i) mama ku org Brunei (walaupun meninggal 28 tahun udah, tetapi masa ia beranak atu, ia org Brunei, masa ia meninggal atu pun ia tetap org Brunei... atu hak kelahiran ku sebagai org Brunei!)
ii) Keturunan ku Dusun (Cina jua laaah)- My father's family in Tutong are obviously all yellow IC...satu di antara puak org Brunei kan?
iii) I was born here, I studied here ALL MY LIFE (kindy to uni), I work here, and I NEVER intend to leave, therefore I will die here (unless the End of the World comes before that:))
iv) I love my country, I love my King (who doesn't? :))

Despite all this, to hear an immigration officer tell me that I need to sit for a test to attain citizenship,to be a "real Bruneian"... that I cannot claim citizenship under my mother although she was Bruneian in life, and died a Brunei citizen...I have cried tears of rejection and frustration countless times.

I'm tired of being treated like a "second-class" citizen..."stateless"... enduring a THIRTEEN hour hold-up at Dubai International Airport in 2006 because they didn't recognize my "PASSPORT" (although the Brunei Embassy in Abu Dhabi saved me.. Thank you again Pg Japar!! He's amazing... someone pls promote him!)

You may ask, why bother? Why keep trying to be Bruneian? You know what? I don't really know, except for the fact that in my heart, I feel this is my HOME, this is my Brunei, good or bad...

In the end, none of this frustrates me more than this simple fact:

My own country has REJECTED me.

9:14 AM

Tuesday, October 12, 2010.


I started this blog, to allow self-expression and as an outlet for whatever I had stewing away in my mind.

Seven years ago, I was a second year UBD student. How I miss those times!

1) I suffered periodic wrist pains on my right wrist- and I still do!

2) I was actually quite smart! -I forget this quite often...I usually feel stupid :P One blog post stuck out, a 100% for my Physical Chem test, which I remember being my hardest subject at the time!

3)I used to wait for my dad to pick me up, sometimes til late evening because I did not have my car yet- I drive now, thanks!

4) I went out quite a bit!- Really? I always thought I was usually at home :P

5) I swotted a lot!- Wow, since when am I this hardworking? Not now, for sure ;)

6) I had many friends- And now I just have a few...that's called growing up.

7) I dissected loads of animals for Bio Lab- Now it's just rats, just to educationally gross my students out :)

8) I was 21- Now I'm 22 (for the sixth time in 2010) :)

In 7 years, I have grown, by God's grace, and with my family and friends helping me along the way. I'm still me, but better... And it's only going to get even better! :)

2010 is almost over...2011, bring it on!

8:48 AM

Monday, April 19, 2010.


To my(our) third wheel RONALD :) Sorry Ron I didn't realise it was your bday until I remembered 164. Oh I suck as a friend! :( But you know I love you right? :)

Thanks for being the awesome person you are... thinking of you always makes me smile. I hope and pray that you will have an awesome year ahead, and that God will bless you abundantly and grant you the desires of your heart (do I hear wedding bells yet???) hehehe. You've been a great encouragement and inspiration. Continue to be the crazy-funny person I know and love.

Sorry I missed your birthday bro. I love you!

12:44 PM

Wednesday, April 07, 2010.

The Wednesday Letters

Bought this book by Jason F. Wright on Sunday night. Had to really, REALLY stop myself from reading it too fast and reading it all in one sitting. I started it on Sunday night (just a few chapters), then Monday night (a few more chapters!) and finally finished it on Tuesday evening! A record for me I say, to make it last THREE WHOLE days! yaye me hahaha! But seriously, this book is really good. I cried reading it, and not many books do that for me, and plus the characters and storyline are very well developed.

The surprising thing about this book for me was the many references to God. And I don't mean a passing reference to God like "Oh my God!" :P There was a poem that the guy Jack Cooper(one of the main characters) writes to his wife that refers to Christ on Calvary. And how God forgives. The underlining theme was really about forgiveness and learning what it is to forgive others, when you know God has already forgiven them.

I don't want to spoil it by giving you a summary of the book-just go read it. After reading it, I'm considering starting my own Wednesday letters :)

Have a good week ppl!

11:13 AM

Thursday, February 18, 2010.


Never really understood why people would spend hours surfing the net until I started it myself. Youtube, Google (my FAVOURITE), Gmail (just staring at my inbox in the hopes that an incoming mail pops up!) Facebook, blog hopping.... the web is a plethora of information and random stuff!

Saw this under some heading called The Christian T-shirt Hall of Shame.

...which I thought wasn't THAT lame until I read the following comment below it...

"The creators went with this design after rejecting "Jesus is my Friendster" and "Jesus: Is your Face in His Book?"

And I just cracked up :)

Other than that, been on YouTube just watching videos of random stuff like parodies and Miley stuff (sorry people, I really do think she's quite good!), and downloading Heroes and Naruto and HIMYM...and Bleach. I just LOVE unlimited internet access!

Health wise, I'm doing better now. Was sick for about two months. Seen the doctor four times (private twice, govt twice) and got a whole lotta meds. It really bugged me that they never gave me antibiotics (you know, to prevent the bugs from developing resistance) 'til my last visit, when I told the bored-looking, plastic-draped, mask-wearing doctor that I had been sick since December. He just gave me this "look" and prescribed me Paracetemol (typical!) Actifed and...tada! ANTIBIOTICS! Which I tell you now SERIOUSLY helped me get over this crazy flu and cough. From time to time I get a little cough attack and a bit of phlegm (ew.. TMI!), but the flu is more or less GONE! Praise God! It's been a tiring two months, being sick, especially with people giving me "looks" and comments like

"Ooooh, you must be pregnant!" and

"Aaaahhhh... pregnant kah?"

Like seriously, people... I'm sniffing and coughing my head away and all you can say is "You must be pregnant!!!!" Can't I be just sick? :( Can't I cut my hair without people telling me its the "mummy hair" aka "getting ready for pregnancy" hair?? (married woman ranting at the moment!)

Ok rant over :) Haha!

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone!

END! :)

9:07 PM

Wednesday, January 13, 2010.


Happy new year everybody! Haven't had the time nor energy to properly sit down and compose a post for the new year 'til now! However.... I'm supposed to be typing out meeting minutes at the moment so I figured, with all that typing to do, I would also do some personal typing... aka... blog! :)

Been quite a busy two weeks with school starting, and getting to know new students, and getting reacquainted with "old" ones. Have much to do in the next few weeks, definitely something that happens at the beginning of the year, EVERY year!

Today I did a bit of reading on a very interesting topic. Been looking for things to talk about and discuss for Character Building classes, and I came across something that kind of..let's say...shocked me... Never really had the right words or proof to back my beliefs about this but now I think I do.

Friends have always talked about getting tattoos, especially "Christian" ones (to be godly mah)- crosses, trinity symbols, Bible verses, and I never usually can "argue" my case on why it's WRONG. I don't believe that there are definitive "christian" symbols- only symbols associated with Christianity-which still means it doesn't necessarily mean "God". The cross is not a "Christian" symbol although we use it in church, not to SHOW that we are Christians, but to REMIND us of the basis of our faith. Even the Celtic symbol of the Trinity (people who have this tattoo say it represents the Triune God to them) has its origins rooted in the honouring of the lunar phases or lunar goddess and it has a WIDE ARRAY of meanings. The moment something can have multiple meanings, that's when you know your own take on it may just be your own way of justifying it. Shouldn't we be ABSOLUTE in our beliefs? (Your own take on it doesn't mean that you "discern" it differently from others)

Read some excerpts from books written by SATANISTS and WITCHES (real ones, not pointy hats with warty noses types)and other people who study the art of tattooing who say that tattooing is a sign of REBELLION, DEVIANCY, INDECENCY... a mark to remember the dead, a mark to show off, a mark to "evangelise" (if tattooing was one of the better ways to evangelise, I think even Jesus would have gone and gotten himself a cool tat like "Son of God" with doves and stuff)

Even in the barbaric and immoral ancient Greek and Rome, the tattoo was considered "barbaric" and used primarily to mark slaves and criminals. It’s interesting, they promoted slavery and other forms of depravity – but felt tattoos were barbaric. What does that testify of today’s barbaric Christian tattooing craze? Is the next step in Christian depravity – slavery?

"Respectable Greeks and Romans did not indulge in decorative tattooing, which they associated with barbarians. The Greeks, however, learned the technique from the Persians, and used it to mark slaves and criminals so they could be identified if they tried to escape."
(Gilbert, Steve, Tattoo History: A Source Book, p. 15)

Weren't the Greeks those crazy people who watched people fight to the death, and with lions and other scary animals too and watch them get torn apart as sport?

Famous witch and author Laurie Cabot writes of the tattoo:
"The origins of tattooing came from ancient magical practices. . . "
(Laurie Cabot, Power of the Witch, cited in Masonic and Occult Symbols Illustrated by Dr. Cathy Burns, p. 301)

"No hocus pocus, mambo jambo when I got my tattoo!" they say...BUT...doing it is a sign of your acceptance of it, no? Acceptance of something rooted in the occultic...on your body?

I think no matter what you say about your heritage, your culture... adding tribal designs to your tattoo is not good either as they have mystical/occultic you even know what all those weird swirls and symbols mean??

Plus the added risk of HEPATITIS C and AIDS and any other yucky disease spread through infected needles. Pam Anderson got a small TOMMY tattoo on her finger and got Hep C... huh...

In the end, people will say, it's art. It's the way I want to express myself. I think it's just saying, 'It's my body and I can do whatever the hell I want with it" (excuse the language...hehe )

I know people will always argue their point and maybe even be a bit more intellectual and try to twist/debate/disagree with all this.. This is my own personal belief and in no way am I judging those who have tats (I have friends who do have them ok?) or those who are going to get themselves some "body art".

I like art, I can express myself, I draw pretty well... but I draw on paper...

What about you?

7:55 AM


Name: Lorene Anne DOB: 091082 Location: BSB Nick:ba_fly/ying


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