IN LOVING MEMORY

Ryan 'Buboy' Rey

15 March 1985-30 March 2004

GOING CRAZY

reports are making me go crazy!! if i go crazy can i sue my lecturers??? :p have a plant report due on wednesday AND i will be presenting my 15 min english seminar on the same day as well! DIE!! and then another plant report on saturday...and then animal report the next...ahhhh!!! can you tell that i'm stressed?? :)

on a lighter (and less crazy) note...youth camp has come and gone...i was upset that i did not get to be a "full camper" becoz of classes but i was glad for the two nights that i was there...it was basically a time of fellowhip for me...just talking and being around ppl and basically having fun...i realised with this camp that, my time has gone...as in..i can no longer be like one of them young ppl...the fun is still there, but in a sense, its no longer for ppl like me..more for the younger youth..to experience camp and all that...i HATE being OLD...:(

this plant report is still bugging me!! buleh kah klau we all revolt and refuse to do this report??...and then he will have to tell us forget it????? :) *fingers crossed* :)

went to the berakas forest reserve on friday to collect soil samples for my project...omg..i came out of the forest with a mulititude of scratches and aching shoulders (stupid soil samples were sooo heavy!!) you should see my hands and legs...as if i've been in a fight with a girl with LONG nails! LOL...ada org kan manja ku?? sakit nyerrr.... hehehe...manja sikit lerr....:) alright...off to do some work...*sigh*

RED BLOODED WOMAN

oo-er.. :) am listening to Kylie now...so far i think this is one of her better songs...when i first heard it i thought it was Lene from Aqua coz the voice sounded similar...

tomorrow we're going on a field trip *yippee* to the agricultural centre in Kilanas...haven't been on a field trip in ages...i think that's the most fun part of taking Bio :) other than that, uni life has been the usual...stress, stress and more stress :p what do you expect right? :)

something funny to tell...on wednesday afternoon we were watching a malay ghost movie in our project room with the lights off...i only came in half way thru the movie but i saw enuff to scare me hahaha...while we were watching, our friend Hadi suddenly burst into the room and kinda like...screamed/shouted at a scary moment in the movie..needless to say, all the girls screamed in shock and fell all over each other (me included)...hahaha..come on lah, without the ghost movie, Hadi can already be quite scary...what more with a freaky ghost movie :) but its ok..i love you still Hadi :) and then the worst bit is...the movie was freaky in the sense that the make-up was downright scary...and then whaddya know, that night i was scared even to walk up the stairs (past a big, curtainless window i must add)...ey it was almost two in the morning and everyone was asleep ok?? :) now i remember why i told myself i would never watch ghost movies again...stupid imagination...

i'm excited... :) Youth Camp starting on Monday...sadly, i can't sleep over coz i have school...boooo...this year its at Jigsaw at Kiarong...we used to have it at St. Andrew's all the time..but for a change this year it will be at Jigsaw...am excited although i won't be doing much this year as i will only come for the night sessions..at least i think i won't lose my voice...EVERY time we have a camp i lose my voice...all the singing and shouting and late nights :) in the beginning we had abt 80+ youth signed up..now we have 130+! Wow! Praise God! I'm just wondering how we're gonna fit everyone in that tiny school :)

One last thing...pls pray for my cousin Ryan...the lastest news is that he underwent surgery to remove a tumour but it was unsuccesful as it had spread...and he's not responding to chemo...and he's lost his voice and can't talk...now they are just counting the days before...you know.... :( i'm upset but i believe God is taking care of him and his family...God has a purpose for everyone and everything...we may not understand the things that happen especially the bad stuff but i know our God is a God full of love and compassion and He knows what He's doing...He is NEVER wrong...we just have to trust in Him and have faith... thanks guys for your prayers...

Happy Holidays to the "kiddies" :)

IN A MILLION PIECES....

today's thursday...four days after the sem break ended...i feel like having another holiday :) so much work to do...karang ku buat eehhh... s'pore was fun...shop shop shop...tapikan its actually quite mahal...esp at orchard where we were for the four days...far east was cheaper as it was further away and i guess the rent there is cheaper...but yeah...banyak lah the stuff i bought for myself hehehe..i bought a few stuff for some of my friends...nothing big lah...karang my dad tanya..aiks..i also managed to meet up with Denise and Szue Hann and his gf...omg lawa...and we even asked him what in the world she was doing with him LOL...jahat...and then she overheard us and said that ppl ask her the same thing too heeheehee...

im quite busy right now...with a lot of work to be handed in this saturday...im glad for the work as i can take my mind of certain things...*sigh*

we finally got the project room...its kinda fun having a room to ourselves and to do with it as we please...i have my own cupboard for my stuff as well :) the room kinda stinks though so yeah...we'll have to try and figure that out...hmmm...ok i guess i'll just stop here for now and go do my reports (i procrastinate don't i?) :)

.....

i'm in a funny mood right now...not funny haha but funny as in i dunno what to feel...i was woken up from my nap by the phone...and it was from Capt. Audrene (our captain in the Girls' Brigade)...and she was just telling me that aunty vienna (a lady who helps out with the little girls in GB) has just discovered she has lupus. She was telling me that they had a talk abt it with aunty jackie k (whose aunt died from lupus). A.Vienna also had a sister who died from lupus 20 years ago and as they were talking abt it, my name came up. A Jackie was saying how it was possible that lupus could be heredity, and that it was possible that i had it, seeing as my mom had a flare and died after she gave birth to me. i am, needless to say, worried yet again about my health. The last time something like this came up was when my aunt ,who now lives in the US, came home one new year. She has also been diagnosed with lupus but hers is the mild one that can be controlled by medication. I tell you, that was like one of the worst weeks of my life. She kept going on abt how i showed signs of lupus, abt my skin conditions, my allergies, my migraines...how all of these could be flares and i'm like "great...i'm gonna die..."

It's kinda freaky...wondering if i have it...and i'm so afraid to go for a blood test because what if i found out i do have it? i don't want to die young like my mom or my aunt (my mom's sister who died of lupus at 18)...*sigh* a.jackie was also saying how oestrogen isn't good for lupus patients as well...great...i'm a GIRL...how can i function without oestrogen?! the thing im most worried abt is finding out im allergic to certain things...i know it seems trivial compared to the fact that i MIGHT die...but...how can i live if i find out im allergic to things like chocolate!? :)seriously...my aunt can't eat it coz she's allergic to it and can trigger her flares..ahhhh!!!! tidaaaakkk...

*sigh* i still wanna have kids when i get married (although when i was younger i said i would NEVER have kids so i wouldn't die like my mom)...i want to be normal...i wish my life was easier..but nobody said life was easy anyway...but yeah, after today, i'm determined to go get a blood test for lupus, probably after i get back from singapore. i was told the life expectancy of a lupus patient in RIPAS is NINE years...that's how medically advanced and informed we ppl are...sheesh...i'm scared for my life...i'm worried about my health...and i'm depressed becoz my life is filled with so many ppl who are so important to me and to think of leaving everyone behind...its unbearable...

pls pray for me...and for a. vienna...i know you guys may not know her...but she's young as well, and i can understand what she may be feeling...i hope this blog hasn't scared anyone...all i can say is, what the Lord allows to happen, it all happens for a good reason...we may not understand it, but things will work our for the good of His people....thanks guys for being my friends...i love you a lot