Thursday, October 30, 2003.
WHY DON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?!
my days since i last posted have been kinda slow and depressing, especially today. Exams are coming...so many assignments yet to be handed in...aaahhhh!!! today was kinda a bad day for me...it started out fine...then i talked to Suzi...and she told me something...abt someone and abt a rumour...and i was kinda mad that somehow, these people dont believe me, or her for that matter...and instead they believe the person who's spreading the rumour...ok maybe not spreading...but telling the other person who's involved in the rumour...it's kinda frustrating and very puzzling...i must admit i am angry...but i'm just trying to ignore it and hopefully no more will be said and everyone would just shut up and not stick their noses into things that they dont understand and does not concern them...there...i've said my piece...
Something else that's bothering me...a certain friend in my course is, how shall i put it...not the way he seems...he's very quiet...and seems friendly enuff...Suzi said something as a joke...and at that time he was laughing about it...skali, cam, set off a time bomb...this guy threatened her via SMS...gentleman? i think not! there have been other instances which i shall not bother to divulge...but its like waaaay unexpected...anyway, i'm too mentally drained and moody to continue so...byee..
Sunday, October 26, 2003.
WHAT IS LOVE?
love- warm, kind feeling; fondness; affectionate and tender devotion
 warm,kind feeling between two persons of opposite sex; sexual passion or desire
Why is it that our lives are so controlled by our feelings and emotions? Can we consider ourselves emotional? I believe that in this world, everyone hungers for love. Be it love from family, friends, a person of the opposite sex, someone...anyone. Love is so typically perceived as an all-consuming emotion between lovers...but what abt between friends. To say you love someone, regardless of sex should not be a problem. However many ppl today would only reserve the word 'love' for members of the opposite sex, and to say you love someone of the opposite sex besides your beau is taken as being unfaithful etc etc. I believe that the human heart is capable of loving more than one person. Just like loving all your family members, it is also possible to feel love for many people. This is not to say that you can start professing your love for members of the opposite sex (and in the process making your bf or gf MAD!). There is a difference between love and your beau, and love and your friends and family. Love need not necessarily lead to a BGR (boy-girl relationship), nor need it be speculated upon when it is for the opposite sex. Love is a wide-ranging emotion and cannot be tied down by human knowledge or human assumptions. Like they say, love is mysterious, and it REALLY is!
Another thing that i find troubling is that we rely so much on love, that our thoughts, our actions and our feelings, are so dependant on it. In a relationship, when things are going well, we are on an emotional high. Once something bad happens, we begin that emotional rollercoaster that so perfectly describes our emotional well-being. What can we do? Like i said, we hunger for love. Wihout it, we cannot survive and yet with it, we can get hurt (of course we would be happy too) Love, in the human context, comes with a risk. Love and expect to get hurt. We yearn especially for a relationship-type of love...probably too many love stories and romantic fantasies out there...but hey, that's the spice of life. Every girl would have, at some point of her life, fantasised of some tall, dark, handsome man coming to her rescue and sweeping her of her feet. (maybe he could be blonde, or short whatever...you get what i mean! :) ) Nothing wrong with that. It is only when we expect the ppl we fall in love to be like that. We expect them to change, or we just expect too much. We are all human beings, everyone has their flaws. NO ONE IS PERFECT. For many girls, guys are jerks. I must admit, most of the time they CAN be. Not all are. Then again, girls can be b*****s too, and not all are. A girl's strength, and also her failing, is her emotions. A girl thinks better with her heart than her mind, and this is a quality of women that is so precious. A guy on the other hand, thinks more analytically than emotionally. Of course there will be deviations from this standard, but on the whole, this is generally the assessment.
For my girlfriends going through problems with guys at the moment- No matter how much the guy has hurt you, you CAN and WILL get through this. The guy is not worth your tears. You are more valuable than that. Don't feel bad if you feel for him, and don't beat yourself up for loving such a jerk. Love is not a mistake. Don't let this experience change your views on love, or guys, because one day, the man who will take care of your heart will come, and you might risk losing him. Don't give up. Your friends (inc. me!) are all here for you. We LOVE you!
For the rest of you who feel empty for whatever reason- Love from another human can only go so far. Believe in the power that is greater than you and me. God loves you, and God's love is UNCONDITIONAL. Only God's love can fill that emptiness.
We are not defined by who we love, nor are we defined by who loves us back. We are defined by the love of God, and God loves everyone, including you!
Thursday, October 23, 2003.
mood: just plain tired
not feeling too good today..have a migraine that started last night...was ok in the morning when i woke up and now its back...*sigh* today was kinda uneventful...was kinda restless in class...couldn't wait to just get out and come home and relax...right now i'm d/l some songs and getting a bit tired of waiting...Brunet is so infuriatingly S-L-O-W! EURGH! either that or the comp is...ahhhh....played a bit of squash yesterday...my arm was ok considering that earlier in the day i had gone to this guy to urut my arm coz it was hurting...went to the dentist before that and boy was it painful...the dentist was like flossing my teeth and like, my gums too...and the tooth that was bothering me...he says the gum around it isnt too healthy and thats why it was bleeding...ouchie...but once he was done, my tooth felt ok..hmm...maybe i HAVE neglected that part of my mouth...funny though coz everything else was fine...well, anyway, now i know how to floss in the PROPER way so i guess my gums will be healthier now :) other than that yesterday was ok...last saturday i was at church practising backup for Sunday service and i had gone off to the loo for a bit and when i got back everything was normal...we were listening to the cd of a new song and then suddenly they stopped the music and started singing happy birthday..and i was looking around wondering who in the world they were singing to...and then Chel comes with this little banana muffin with a single candle alight and holds it in front of me and i'm like Ohhhh!!! its me rupanya...so blur...DUH...embarassing but nonetheless sweet :)
Something new i learnt this week... Ams and Naveena (my classmates staying in the hostel) can REALLY talk abt guys! hahaha...during lunch yesterday they were going on about guys and a certain "cutie" in our class and we were trying to match Maz up with someone..anyone...preferably a guy in our class but we couldnt think of anyone...Ams says shes a good match maker and she says there are loads of cute guys in UBD (i have my doubts as i have yet to see one thats drool-worthy). She really does keep a lookout for cute guys as i surprisingly learnt today as she pointed out one fine specimen to me (i thought the craziness was only a one day thing) :) we're girls...what can i say?*sigh*...teehee...
Thursday, October 16, 2003.
BRUISED, SCARRED AND TORTURED...BUT I WILL SURVIVE!
ok ok so maybe that was a bit too dramatic... :) but honestly though i AM bruised. Why you may ask? I ran into a wall. Yes, i ran into a WALL...*ouch* yes, yes, laugh all you want...if someone had videotaped it and played it slow mo maybe i would laugh too...i rammed my right arm into a concrete wall while i was playing squash with Suzi. Believe me when i say we're not the two best players in the world. She keeps hitting low balls (really really low balls...that are like just...an inch off the ground) so i keep running around the court like a crazed headless chicken trying to intercept all her balls...and then finally... WHAM! i think even my bones are bruised...*sob* but the good thing is i think we played better this week than the previous. We were collapsing into helpless giggles but it was a workout...running+laughing=SWEAT (REALLY!!)...and Hussein joined us for a bit...and man, he can really swing that racquet...i lost count of the number of times his racquet almost connected with my head... *yikes* ganas, that guy!
today i had a genetics test which went quite well, although i wished what i knew had come out...pppffftttt....wasted brain cells...and Suzi sent me home, the sweetie...if not i would have stayed on campus til 530...and just tonight i bought some kain...lawa...an ice green one and a beige one with red roses...pretty cheap too...can't wait to make more baju...typical girl huh? its ok...i'm PROUD of it... *wink* okie wanna go watch joe millionaire :) nite guys! *hugs*
Sunday, October 12, 2003.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! (belated anyway...)
this wont be long...to all my friends and family who made my birthday wonderful...THANK YOU! YOU guys made it special and i will never forget it. As much as i loved the presents *wink* i was glad i got to spend it with all of you. Thanks for everything...and i thank God you guys are a part of my life. *hugs*
Tuesday, October 07, 2003.
BREATHE IN...BREATHE OUT...
finally finished the two reports due tomorrow so i'm breathing a little easier now :) tomorrow i plan to study for my test on saturday...during the kerohanian lecture..naughty of me i know...but then, the lectures are soooooo boring...
today was kinda ok...long in a not-so-tiring way..even my four hour stretch of chemistry didn't seem to hamper my mood. Something funny that happened today...i made my friend believe his car tyre was punctured and he leapt up in panic and was about to dash from the room before i yelled out "tipuku!!" HAHAHA! tsk..naughty amoi...but it was funny, his expression... ;) ok ok, i'll be nice now... :) but seriously it was so funneeeee....teeheehee
am actually receiving the pics of my rat now from suzi:)..tomorrow i'll be playing squash...uh oh...dunno how to play...im afraid the ball will fly at me...hard, flying objects headed in my direction are a definite no-no...*groan*...ohh my rat is so cute!!! :) okie nite y'all!
Sunday, October 05, 2003.
OUT OF IDEAS
i actually dont know what to write today...i could ramble or rant... but i have nothing to ramble or rant about...hmm..just talking like that already took up a line :) the relaxed mood is slowly dissipating...i have two reports due in next week...and i am nowhere near completion...soooo dead...so typical huh? yucks.... i was kinda depressed the other day... one of my frens was having some guy problems...and my hon wasn't feeling good either...and she's so far away...:( Dearie, i'm here for ya k? So what if UK is like...1000000000 km away!? (i dunno the real distance laaaa) :) hehehe...
my bday is coming up...excited abt that...funny tho im not as upset as i thought i'd be...turning 21 and all...thats like..OLD!! heheheh...
there's a rat in the house...came in yesterday in the evening...found my dog whining and barking with his head through the grilles of the front door...big rat....anyone wanna catch it and cut it up? *gag* grossss....i hope its gone...*shudder* we might do a chicken or a bird or something next...our lecturer said something abt a bird for the exam and i think we're kinda panicky and all...coz we suck at dissecting....well i do anyway...:) alright then, i'm off to do my assignment...bye!